Early Morning Sky
by D Jay Jay
Summary: They say you don't see it coming. It just happens. A sudden flash in your vision and then everything is the same, yet different. When you meet your soulmate, everything changes. When they say your name for the first time, the colors explode in front of you for the first time and everything changes, yet it remains the same. Or, color soulmate AU, Clexa college edition
1. Chapter 1

They say you don't see it coming. It just happens. A sudden flash in your vision and then everything is the same, yet different. When you meet your soulmate, everything changes. When they say your name for the first time, the colors explode in front of you for the first time and everything changes, yet it remains the same. The trees, the sea, the sun, everything is the same. Still, Lincoln keeps telling you how much prettier things are now.

Lincoln has been your best friend for what feels like, forever. You can barely recall a time where he wasn't next to you. He was the one chasing away the bullies in elementary school and middle school, when you use to be a shy little girl, closed to the world. He was still the one chasing the bullies in high school, when you were seen as a "nerd" for wearing glasses and having excellent grades. And now that you're in college, he is the one to drag you to parties you don't want to go to and the one that sends you at least two texts everyday: one to remind you to eat lunch and one to tell you to stop studying and go to sleep.

You love Lincoln, as crazy as it seems to be for the rest of the world (Lincoln is a "cool" student, he's popular and appreciated by mostly everyone. You, on the other hand, you're feared by probably eighty percent of the university because of your expressionless faces and death glares, and there's rumors going around that you can kill people with your bare hands – that's the truth, you can, due to a lot of training you received while still a kid but it's not like you were about to kill anyone anytime soon) but right now, he's being a pain in your lower back. He joined you in your room about ten minutes ago and hasn't stopped talking since then. About the prettiness of the world and the color of her eyes. You don't even know who she is – someone he met as he was walking down the campus with his roommate, Bellsomething – but he says that as soon as they introduced each other, as soon as she said his name, things weren't the same anymore. Yet they are and you don't give a damn about the colors. Everything is still the same and even if Lincoln found his so called soulmate, you still have finals to study for.

It's Friday and Lincoln still have one class to attend before his day is over so around four in the afternoon, after one hour of rambling about colors and things you quite can't make out ("your eyes are fucking awesome Lex, I swear"), he leaves your room. Right before the door closes, he announces that he will be picking you up for a party around eight and that you better be ready when he arrives. He wants you to meet her because "she might be my soulmate but you're my best friend and I want to know what to think about her". Then he's gone and you still have finals to study for. But you also need to pick an outfit for tonight and kind of hate him at the moment.

* * *

It's exactly eight when he opens your door without even knocking and you're ready, sitting at the edge of your bed, a book in hand. He gives you a weird look as soon as he sees you, "have you always been wearing that much black?". You look back at him and 'how the fuck do you want me to know' is probably written on your face because he shakes his head with a small smile.

"Let's go", he says, "Bellamy texted me the address a while ago, it's not really far so we'll be walking."

You sigh yet you stand up and toss your book somewhere in your bed. You put your combat boots on near the door when you realize that Lincoln opened you wardrobe and he's searching for something inside of it. You raise an eyebrow at him when he turns to you and hands you one of your scarfs.

"The weather is chill, put it on. Plus, it'll add some color to your outfit."

"What color is it?" you surprisingly ask and he shots a bright smile at you. "Green" he says, "just like your eyes", and you have no idea what it means.

The weather is more cold than chill and you're glad you're wearing your leather jacket and a scarf. You can't allow yourself to be sick that close from your finals. Technically, if it wasn't for Lincoln, you wouldn't even allow yourself to party this close to your finals but the things you'll do for that giant ball of muscles and fluff are not to be named. He grabs you by the shoulders as soon you two enter the partying mansion and your nose wrinkles at the smell of cigarettes, sweat, and alcohol. This was going to be a long night.

Some girl waves at you as soon as she sees you – well, as soon as she sees Lincoln – and you suppose that it's her. She climbs off the back she was on – you recognize the guy as Bellsomething, Lincoln's roommate – and you smile politely at both of them. She's smaller than you but not that much and even with your color-blind vision, you can tell she has bright eyes. She gives Lincoln a toothy grin and nods towards you as a welcome. Her hair are down and you suppose they're some kind of dark, you can't really tell but they're probably brown. The shade of grey you see is actually quite close – even maybe the same – to the one you see when you look at your hair.

Then you're both dragged to the kitchen. You listen quietly as Lincoln introduces you to her: her name is Octavia and she's not a student at the university. She's here today because her brother, Bellamy (Lincoln's roommate) invited her to spend the night at Raven's house, as the woman was throwing a party. And you learn that Octavia is never on to say no to a party, especially if Raven is throwing it.

Raven, you hear two minutes later, is one of the women in the kitchen and this is her house. She's an engineering student and made money when she was sixteen. Enough money to buy that house, pay her university loans and threw enormous parties. How, you don't know but it's apparently something that has to do with the brace she's wearing on one of her legs. There's another girl and this one has a lighter hair color and some big eyes. Their color seems to be light as well; similar to Octavia's but not quite the same. You don't talk to them though. You have never been one to be comfortable in social situation, and today is still the same. Yet, you feel a little bit weird, standing next to Lincoln, who's social and comfortable with everyone and giving bright smile at Octavia. You don't really know what to do with yourself so you just grab the drink that Raven hands you and take a sip. You listen to the conversation as they start talking about soulmate, since that is what Lincoln and Octavia seem to be.

Monty Green has meet his when he was younger and he has come to realize that knowing your soulmate doesn't mean that you two would be dating and happy ever after. Sometimes, it's something else entirely. His soulmate is Jasper Jordan, the boy sitting next to him at the kitchen's table but they're not together, they're best friends. They never developed any romantic feelings for each other and Japser is "so straight he's probably a spaghetti", and while they don't want to be apart from each other, they both have a well-going love life. Japser is trying to flirt with a girl from his math class and Monty his in a relationship with some guy called Miller.

That's great, you think, to know that soulmate doesn't always mean love and children, a house with two cars and a dog. Really nice. You don't really know much about soulmate because your parents never talked about it – they weren't soulmate, you mom has never been able to tell you the color of your eyes and your father was mostly away – and since, whenever you asked questions about colors your mom was punishing you, you never asked. Not even to your nanny, Indra, or your sister, Anya. Maybe because Indra used to scare you with all the physical training she was putting you into and because no matter how close you are to Anya nowadays, it wasn't really the case when you were younger. Or maybe because you always tried to convince yourself that you don't care about this color-soulmate shit but you actually do. And it sucks because now you're here, twenty-one, all grown up and you don't know a thing about it, except what Lincoln told you.

A raspy yet charming voice takes you out of your thought and you look up, "so are you two together?". It's the one with light hair and big eyes that ask and Lincoln chokes next to you.

"Oh thank god no", you reply instantly and Lincoln chokes again.

"She speaks!", suddenly squeals Octavia and you realize that's the first words you pronounced since you arrived here. You let out a little sigh and take a sip of your drink before speaking again.

"Lincoln is my best friend, we met when we were younger and yes I do speak. Sometimes."

This seems to please raspy voice and Octavia, who squeals again and asks to know more about it. She wants embarrassing stories about you two together, especially Lincoln, you think. She wants to get to know him and that's a great point about her. You've heard a few stories about people who met their soulmate and ran away with them but it never ended well. Octavia seems to be great. She's way too active and noisy for you to handle her every hour of the day but Lincoln can handle pretty much everything. And he's active too. While being an art student, he goes to the gym three times a week and goes jogging every morning, just to keep in shape and you think they could be great together. They will probably smell like sweat eighty percent of the time but they could be great for each other. At least you hope so.

"We don't really have embarrassing stories about each other. We've been together since like, forever or something, but Lexa used to be the 'great' kind of kid, the one that doesn't go back home covered in mud or paint after spending the day at her best friend's", Lincoln says with a shrug and you nod your approval. That's quite the truth. You never wanted to disappoint anyone so you were – and are – always going by the rules, making sure to do exactly what your mom or your nanny told you to. And making sure of not doing what they told you not to do.

"Except maybe when we climb that tree in middle school because the bird mommy was dead and Lexa wanted to take care of her eggs", you choke on your drink and everyone looks at you with "aww" faces and you don't know what to do with yourself anymore.

"That plan wouldn't have back fired if you hadn't fall from that tree, Lincoln". He laughs his usual big and noisy laugh at the memory and you're feeling a little bit less embarrassed. "Indra yelled at me so much that day on our way to the hospital, she was so pissed", he remembers.

"Who's Indra ?" asks raspy voice and you sigh again. This is a way too charming voice for your liking. It's sweet and calm, not too loud even with the music blaring from the living room, and it's even and it's something you really like about voices. When it's even. You like Lincoln's voice for that very reason. You can't really tell what he's feeling through the way he speaks because no matter what he speaks about, it's always with the same key, the same tone, slow and easily understandable. Same goes with raspy voice except that it's raspy and it's not something you knew you like about voices until today.

"Indra was my nanny back then but since Lincoln was around most of the time, she was also taking care of him."

"Great woman", Lincoln nods, "how is she?"

"Good" is your reply and he nods. Indra started being your nanny when you were just a baby, your parents too busy (well, your father too busy working and your mom too busy being anything but your mom) to take care of you hired a nanny when you were just one month old. She's the one who took care of you through everything, every school cycles and homeworks. She was there for your first steps while your parents weren't. Same goes for your first words and first tooth and you don't know what else. Indra is more of a mother to you than you own mother.

When she stopped being your nanny when you turned fifteen and your parents decided you were old enough to take care of yourself, the word "liberty" is the first thing that came to your mind.

One week later, it was "emptiness". The home was empty with your parents always away and no more Indra cooking lunch for both of you.

On the second week, emptiness turned into loneliness and you realized how much you missed her.

So without any second thought, you went to Indra's place and knocked on the door. She didn't say anything when she saw you on the steps of her house. She simply let you in, told you to take your shoes off and to come help her prepare dinner as soon as you were done with your school work. It became a habit. During your last year of middle school, you'd go at her place every day after school to eat with her. She was still working; some parents were dropping their young child at her place every day and you were happy to help whenever you were there. For some reason though, when you started high school, your mom decided to show you some attention – well, on your grades at least – and so you were going to Indra's only on week-ends. And now that you were in college, no more living at your parents', you were calling Indra every ween-end, most of the time on Sunday, to tell her how things were going and how Lincoln was doing and all about your life that your mother doesn't care about. Your mother is your mother, but Indra's is your mom and the fact that you're calling her every week while you only email your mom once in a while should probably worry the latter. But she doesn't give a flying fuck so you don't either. You have Indra, Anya and Lincoln and that's all you need in your life.

Some sudden movement around you get you out of your head and the hand that's not holding your drink gets out of your pocket to go on Lincoln's shoulder. You haven't been listening and you have no idea of what's happening around you.

"We're going to the garden, there's a fire pit", Lincoln says, he knows you haven't been paying attention. You start to follow him but then a voice says something you can't make out on your back and you turn around to raise an eyebrow at Raspy Voice.

"Alexandria?" she says again and you stop breathing. You stay still, you don't move, you stop thinking, you can only figure out the color of her eyes. You don't know how to call it but it's beautiful and it's right in front of you and it's taking your breath away. _Oh hell to the no_. Colors. _Everywhere_. She said your name and they're everywhere, surrounding you and her and everyone in that house and probably outside.

But her eyes.

God, her eyes.

How is that even possible? And her voice calling you again is not helping. You have to shake your head, shake everything out of your mind before looking back at her, trying to focus on what she is saying instead of what she looks like in Technicolor (she's so beautiful it's almost painful for your little gay heart).

"Yes?", you finally manage to mumble and she hands you something.

"It fell from your pocket", she says as you grab your student ID card, "also, Alexendria is a pretty name".

"Thank you" is all you say. Indra is the only one still calling you that way. Your parents would probably too if they were ever talking to you. You like your name but it's long so you have the habit of introducing yourself as Lexa ever since Lincoln called you that way for the first time.

She's looking straight at your eyes and you looking right back at her and this is so unhelpful and distracting that you have to close your eyes and take a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I have to go", you say as you abruptly turn your back on her. You throw your card deep inside your back pocket and flee the house as fast as you can, not listening to anything, neither it'd be the music or her voice calling after you. You need to get away from this place as soon as possible; you need to get away from _her_.

It's all crazy when you reach your room. The outside world was dark, only bright because of the street light at some places but that wasn't really helping. But your room, it's something else entirely; the color of the wood from your bed, your wardrobe and your desk is lighter than the wood from the floor.

Then you remember what Lincoln told you about your eyes earlier and you get out of your dorm room to join the bathroom. No one is here and you're glad for it, walking directly to the sink, in front of the mirror. The scarf is green, he told you, and so are your eyes. But not only; it seems that your eyes' color is a mix between the green of the scarf and the color of the floor, in your room… Was that brown? You don't know.

You don't know so you take your phone out of your pocket and open a color palette on the internet. You look back at yourself on the mirror after reading the color palette and you decide that you're eyes are light see green on the outside and brown on the inside. _Her_ eyes on the other hand are light sky blue, almost grey. And as much as you always hated grey for being the only thing you could see before, you happen to like it right now, like, a lot.

You go back to your room after you named every color on your clothes and Lincoln is right, you wear a lot of black. No that you care, it actually suits you pretty well and you don't own anything colorful except your scarfs. The sheets on your bed are white and your pillow is red and you can distinctly tell the colors of the pens and highlighters that are resting on your desk. You're naming them all out loud when Lincoln suddenly barges into your room with a worried "Lexa?" on his lips.

"What are you doing here?", you ask as he closes the door behind him. "What are _you_ doing here?", he says back while taking a few steps towards you. He puts both of his hands on your shoulders and exanimates your face for a quiet few seconds, making sure nothing physical happened to you. He used to do that a lot when you were younger and you'd met some bullies, making sure you were okay.

"Lincoln, I am… fine. I am." He looks straight into your eyes and you know he knows something happened. It would be pointless to lie to him. "Your eyes", you say and his brows rise on his face, "they're brown".

* * *

Lincoln lets out a small sigh at the vision of Lexa, curled in a ball on her bed, asleep finally. He stands up from his spot on the floor and grabs his phone while exiting the room. He locks the door with the spare key she gave him a few months ago and as he goes down the stairs, he dials a number and hits the call button. His on the first floor when a sleepy voice reaches his ear and he kind of sigh in relief.

"Lincoln? Did something happen to Lexa?", he can sense the panic in her voice and calms her down before explaining. Lexa found her soulmate.

"She's freaking out, isn't she?", says the voice after a minute of silence and Lincoln hums in agreement.

"I'll be here at dawn", and then line dies.

* * *

There's a knock in your dream and you shift in your sleep, unconsciously covering your head with the covers. But the knock strikes again, and again, and no matter how much you don't want too, you wake up. You lazily open your eyes and move the cover from your head, making a face as soon as the light hits your eyes. You forgot to close you curtains yesterday night. You take the covers off yourself and realized that the curtains aren't the only thing you forgot yesterday. You're fully dress, minus your shoes and your jacket that are resting on the floor, near your desk. And then you take a look at you alarm clock and the green letters proudly showing 7:35. _Green_. Right. Soulmate. Raspy voice.

You sigh and get up from your bed but you grab your blanket and flung it around your shoulder, wearing it like a cap. No matter who's knocking on your door that early, it's probably someone you know and you need to show them that they woke you up on a Saturday morning and that it sucks. You unlock your door and open it, and you can barely make out who's there before they grab you into their arms and come flush against your body. You tense for a second but then you recognize that smell and the way they put their hand on the back your head and you relax. Anya. You don't hug back because that's not who you are and she knows it and you're still holding your blanket around your shoulders, but when she finally lets you go, she has a smile on her face and you step back from the door to let her in.

Anya comes in your room and immediately goes for you bed. As soon as she's next to it, she lets herself down on the mattress with a flop and you can't help but smile at the sigh. She's five years older than you and not your mother's daughter, your father had her in a previous relationship and she wasn't always at home when you were a kid. And the two of you together when you were younger just spelled trouble.

You couldn't really get along well and she used to bother you more than anything else. Plus, she wasn't really respectful towards Indra and that's something you never really appreciated about her. But then one day, she joined you in the garden as you were talking with Lincoln, you were twelve and she was seventeen, and Lincoln mentioned the bullies at school. Anya didn't say a thing back then but the very next day, she showed up at school to pick you up. She asked a few questions about the bullies and took a look at your forearms, seeing scars, old and new from them. She taught you a few basics about self-defense and it wasn't really hard for you to pick up, as Indra always made you practice any kind of sports. For three weeks, she picked you up at school every day and stayed over at her dad's just so that she could teach you, all of that under Indra's care. The woman was perfectly okay with you learning how to defend yourself, she sometimes added advice on the technique Anya was teaching you. After three weeks of training, you ended up in a fight with the bullies and for the first time, you fought back. You did not win, one versus five and all, but you fought back and when Anya picked you up that day, you were smiling. Now you would be able to fight back, next to Lincoln, and you also had a sister, a family. Not something you were going to complain about anytime soon.

"What are you doing here, Anya?", she smiles at you. "Smelled troubles, came over, the usual", she shrugs. You fall silent for a few seconds but keep looking at her. "He called you, didn't he?"

Anya suddenly sits up in your bed, her legs over the edge and she grabs you by your blanket to make you stumble in her direction before sitting you on her lap. You sigh. You're not twelve anymore and you don't need her to take care of you like you're still a young kid who has no idea how to human. You still don't know how to human like other peoples do but you don't care about it anymore. You're socially awkward and quiet and shy and you're totally okay with that.

"So", says Anya as you let your head rests on her shoulder, "what are they like?"

"The colors or _her_?"

"Both."

You sigh and try to hide you face in your blanket but it doesn't really work so you end up sighing even more.

"Everything is the same", you say and Anya nods. "My room is the same, my body is the same, so is everything surrounding me wherever I go. It's the same…", she nods again and you fall silent. "But… It's… Red", you show her the pillow on your bed, "brown" as you look at the floor, "black" you add while getting one of your legs out of the blanket for her to see your pants. "Everything is the same but it's… Better now."

She doesn't say anything but she nods her head, listening to you with a lot of attention. "Can you see them?", you ask and with a small smile, she shakes her head. "I'm not that lucky". You stay silent for of few seconds and sigh. You go hiding your head in the crook of her neck, like you'd do when you were younger and… Afraid. Yep, that's the word. She lets her head falls on yours, "I'm not sure that's luck", you say. Your hand tenses on the blanket you're still holding around your shoulder, "what if I'm not hers?".

You don't know much about soulmate but you know the down side of the myth: sometimes, someone's your soulmate but you're not theirs and that's fucked up, and scary.

"Finding your soulmate doesn't mean you'll end your life with them. It means that you found your other part. You don't have to get close to them if you don't want to; you don't even have to say their name if you're that scared about it. But getting to know them, if they're a good person, could make everything so much easier for you… It's your other half and having them in your life is like being complete. There's nothing to be scared about, Lexa."

You groan to yourself because she's right and Raspy Voice doesn't seem to be a bad person at all, plus Jasper and Monty showed you yesterday that being soulmates could be any kind of relationship. But you can't help being scared and you just want to disappear in your sister's embrace for a few hours, or maybe forever.

"Let's go get some breakfast", Anya says as she pushes you out of her lap, "I drove all night and I'm starving."

* * *

On a scale of one to Lola Perry season two, how unlucky can you be? There's something like ten coffee shops on campus and you did manage to step in that one. And she's here, working behind the counter, preparing drinks and cleaning the coffee machines. Anya raises an eyebrow at your sudden stop in the middle of the shop, then looks up to see what you're staring at. "It's her?" she asks and you slowly nods you head. She smiles, wraps an arm around your shoulder and brings you to the counter. This early on a Saturday morning, there's not so many people on campus. The coffee is almost empty and she's alone behind the counter. She turns as soon as she feels your presence behind the counter and smiles softly when she recognizes you.

"Hi Lexa and –" she turns to Anya and you reply for her, knowing that if you let your sister talks, she's going to say something embarrassing for you.

"Anya, my sister."

"Oh. Nice to meet you, Anya. It's the first time I see you here", she notices and you nod.

"I usually don't eat breakfast, only coffee before going to class."

"Does Indra knows that?", Anya asks and you tense. "Don't you even dare telling her", you hiss and Anya smiles. "Breakfast is really important and you need to eat in the morning", Raspy Voice points out and you kind of feel trap in between those two.

"Fine", you groan, "I'll eat something today. What can you recommend me?"

A bright smile appears on her facial features and you just want to punch yourself in the face. She's beautiful and colorful and a punch in the face would probably be less painful.

"You're the black coffee kind of girl, right? I can recommend you that and then pancakes. Our pancakes are the best on campus", she smiles and you simply nod. Anya orders a cappuccino and pays before you can even get your credit card out of your pocket. You groan a bit and your sister gives you a playful smile.

"I'll bring you your orders", announces Raspy Voice, "go take a sit."

"She's great", Anya says as she sits in front of you. You picked a table far, far away from the counter and you sat with your back facing it, just to make sure to be a little bit in peace.

"Everyone is great at their work, Anya."

"I beg to differ; you should have seen me when I was still a student, working part-time. I was such an awful waitress, especially after partying."

"Her name is Clarke, by the way", Anya adds and you look at her with a puzzled eyebrow. "Her name tag", she shrugs, "you were too focused on her eyes to notice it."

"It's probably better than looking at her boobs", you guess and hope it's true.

Anya left you around eleven pm that day, going back home because work was waiting for her the next day. And you, you sat in your bed for a few hours after she left, thinking, mumbling to yourself, groaning even, your red pillow in your arm. Finally, around two in the morning, after a huge yawn, you take your decision. You are not going to say her name, yet. But you want to know her. Plus, having breakfast every mornings is probably far from being a bad idea, right?

* * *

It's true that those pancakes are the best on campus. Not as good as Indra's, but you got used to it. You showed up at the coffee every morning for the first two weeks so that you could make out her schedule. She works every day from seven to eleven in the morning except on Sunday and Monday, and that's perfect. It has been two months since you met her, eight weeks of you coming every of her working days and by now, the boss offers you pastries and drinks as much as Clarke does. When you can, you stay after the end of her shift and she joins you at your table. You two could talk for hours and it made you realize how right Anya was.

Talking with Clarke is easy; she makes you feel at peace. You're still socially awkward with other people but with her, things come out of your mouth without you even thinking about it. She knows about your family situation and Indra, she knows about college life and the bullies from when you were younger. Oh and you know things about her too: you know that her father died a few years ago, that she doesn't like medicine but deal with it and that she sketches stuffs on napkins when she's bored at work.

And she also knows that you could kill if you wanted too.

A few weeks ago, on a Saturday morning, some still drunk frat-boy came in the coffee and started making a scene when Clarke refused to serve him. Not that she didn't want too, but the guy couldn't pay his drink for some reason. He started yelling and showing signs of violence. You came into the coffee a few minutes after him and when you realized that he was about to jump on the counter to physically attack Clarke, you loosed it. You don't really remember what you did but ten seconds after you came into the shop, the guy had his face on the floor and you were pinning his arm on his back with your knee. Clarke's face was priceless when she realized that it was you who put him down and this morning, she offered you your entire breakfast and her phone number.

The number was put at use a few hours later, you sending her a text for her to have yours. And from there, it escalated quickly. From serious to ridiculous, Clarke's capacities to find a conversation subject are incredible, which totally offsets the fact that you can't find a good subject to talk about with another human. And you really appreciate texting with her. She's smart, even when she sends you something stupid at two in the morning, she always manages the put some of her knowledge in it. Sometimes it's about what a poet said, some other time, she'd quote you some artist or some song lyrics you can't always make out because your general culture sucks. But you really, really like texting and talking and just spending time with her. You actually like _her_.

Today, however, your texting conversation with her starts earlier than usual, as you are sick and can't get up from your bed. You grab your phone and the light of the screen instantly assaults your really tired eyes. You type a few sentences and press the send button before shoving your phone under your pillow and going back to sleep. Your phone wakes you up some time later in the morning with a lot of buzzing and you groan as you pick up the incoming call.

"Well hi there, sleepyhead", says Clarke on the other end of the line. You groan. "What do you want?". She chuckles a bit and you kind of feel better. You're positive about still having fever but her small laugh just made you head clearer and you kind of hate her for having this kind of effect on you. Probably a soulmate thing, you think, or maybe the fear you had when you realized she was your soulmate are becoming true. You may or may not be falling in love with Clarke Griffin. Truth is, you have absolutely no idea what to do with this information and you don't even know what Clarke thinks about you. Sure, you two talks a lot and you know she is bisexual – a good point for you – but is she interested in you? You have no idea.

"When is the last time you ate something?", she asks and you consider the question for a few seconds. "Yesterday lunch", you reply in all honesty and she sighs. "You're gonna text me your address and I'm gonna bring food to you in a few, all right?". You don't really know what to say, as you fix your ceiling with a surprised expression. You finally hum your agreement and the line dies. You quickly text your address before you forget and then go back to looking at your ceiling. Apart from the few parties you went together as a group, it will be the first time for the two of you to see each other outside the coffee shop. And you're sick and probably look like shit and, _awesome_ , now you just want to die. You started being self-conscious in front of Clarke the day you showed up in the coffee, your bed-face on game. She mentioned your hair and how it was the first she saw them lose. She liked it, she said, and you got embarrassed. Ever since then, you're always making sure to be at your best – or at least the best you can do at seven in the morning on a Tuesday – before seeing her. And today is so, so far away from this, that you just want to hide in a hole and die. She's going to see you with your morning face, wearing pajamas, crazy frizzy hair all over your face, no make-up and feverish. Could you ask for anything worst?

You kind of lose track of time as you feel you fever getting higher and when someone enters your room without even knocking, you just groan and turn in your bed, smashing your face in your pillow.

"Lexa", she says with a chuckle and a shiver runs down your spin. It's the fever's fault, you think; it's your high fever that makes you weak. It's you high fever that makes you appreciates the way your name rolls on her tongue. It has to be it, or else you're fucked.

"When is the last time you had something to drink?"

Oh god you're so fucked.

You turn in your bed, face the ceiling during a few seconds before sitting up. You wince as your head spins, and spins, and Clarke is sitting next to you before you can even realize what's happening. Her thumbs are on your temple and she massages them, drawing small circles on them while applying the exact amount of pressure to appease you. You'll have to thank Clarke's mother for having her, her very existence is a source of well-being for you; she does so many things when you two are together, and there's never one that fails to make you feel better.

"I could get used to it", you mumble, dazed. "Don't", she groans in reply, "I don't really enjoy you being sick".

You smile and open one eye just to see her. She's close to you, really close, and her face is scrunched up in concentration. You let a really small smile appears on your features.

"My, my, look who has a weak spot for me." You don't even know who's speaking anymore; is it you or your fever? Who knows, who cares? You don't.

"Of course I do, you're my tips of the month so I kinda need you to stay alive."

"What do you do with your tips?"

Clarke bites her lower lips and you wonder if you ask something you shouldn't have. She sighs before replying, "I buy crayons and pens and paints that I can't use because I can't see colors."

It's the first time she explicitly says it. You had guessed of course, by the way the clothes she wears don't always – often – match together, but it's the first time she confess that she can't see them and it seems to pain her.

"I love to draw. Especially with charcoal but the thing is, I don't even know what color charcoal is. Or what's the color of the sky. All I see is black and white and that's one of the reasons why I'm majoring medicine instead of art. I'm not as brave as Lincoln who didn't give two shits about colors and went to art anyway."

"Charcoal is black", you mumble in your breath and her thumbs stop moving on your temples. You open both of your eyes and take a puzzled look at her.

"You can see them? How come I didn't know that?"

You shrug and let yourself fall back on your bed, eyes glued to your white ceiling. _Charcoal is black and in the early morning, the sky has the color of your eyes._

You never mentioned the colors with her, because she is the reason why you can see them and now that you two are close friends, you don't know how to tell her. You also always made sure not to call her by her name. _Princess_ became your favorite nickname while talking to her, and she accepted it without even wondering why. Plus, the fact that you may or may not be in love with her is absolutely not helping you in this situation.

"Come on, Lexa", she says as she grabs your hand on top of the cover, "tell me about them. It can't be that bad, can it?"

Should you tell her or should you stay quiet? Should you say her name?

"Are you two in a relationship?"

"We're friends", you reply because it's true, but she seems to sense some changes in your tone and one of her blond eyebrow rise on her forehead. You sigh because she knows you as well a Lincoln does and it's a pain in your lower back. "I may have feeling for them." You watch her from the corner of your eyes and you're sure you've seen her face falls a bit.

"That's good", she says with a soft tone, "but that still doesn't tell me who they are."

Something's wrong, you notice. Her tone is soft but it's not the same, her voice doesn't sound the same. It's not as even as usual and she suddenly stands up from the bed. You lift your hand to reach for her but she's too fast and soon, she's in the kitchen part of your room, getting water out of the fridge. She comes back next to you but she doesn't sit back on the bed, next to you. She gives you the water and sits on the floor, her knees pressed against her chest. Something's off.

"Is everything all right?", you ask and she nods and smile at you, "I wanna know about them!"

Her voice is more stable now but she swallows hard before she speaks. You don't know if it's the fever or just you that can't bear to see her that way, but you decide to be honest. What do you have to lose anyway? You sit on your bed, drink some water and try to clear your mind before opening your mouth. You head still spins but it's more bearable now.

"You remember the party we went to, the day Lincoln and Octavia met?", she nods. "It's where I met her." Her face scrunches in confusion, "you left the party less than one hour after arriving and you were with us most of the time?". Don't you know it.

She's looking at you in complete non-understanding of the situation and you let a little sigh escape your mouth. Now or never, you think. You swallow hard and lock your gaze with hers before you softly say her name for the first time.

"Clarke."

And then you brace yourself because there is a chance for you not to be her soulmate, and you don't know how you would react if it were the case. Especially since you have, like, feelings for her.

She's quiet, looking at you without really seeing you and her face is straight, expressionless. You bite your lower lip. She doesn't see them, does she? You're not her soulmate. "Clarke, I –", she doesn't let you finish, you're even pretty sure that she's not listening to you. She suddenly stands on her feet and bursts out of the room, letting the door unclosed, and you have no idea of what's happening. Your head spins and spins, it's getting worse as your feelings start to be out of control. Yeah well, that is sure not going to help you. You let yourself down on your pillow and you groan while using the blanket to cover your face.

You have no idea how much time pass until someone comes into your room. You recognize the voice as being Raven's and she closes to door behind her before sitting on your desk chair.

"Clarke sent me here to check on you until she comes back", she says and you uncover your face to look at her with incomprehension written in capital letters all over your face. "I don't know either", she answers your quiet question, "she called me and said something about changing her major and her mom and how _fucking beautiful_ the trees are."

You freeze. She sees them. She sees the colors. You're her soulmate. You stop breathing at the news and when you realize it, you take a deep breath and choke. Raven is next to you within seconds, the bottle of water Clarke gave you uncapped in her hands and you take it as she soothes your back with her hand.

"Try not to die on me, kid, she'll kill me other way."

You raise an eyebrow at her and she smirks back at you. That spells trouble.

"You truly haven't notice, have you? You two are so fucking oblivious it's painful for my shipper heart."

Okay now you're lost. First, what is a 'shipper' and second, just, what?

"Clarke is so head over heels for you it's a miracle she hasn't jumped on you yet."

You freeze for the second time today. Wait, what?

"And you give her so many heart-eyes it's a miracle she hasn't realize you're into her, too. I swear, ladies, Octavia and I are going crazy because of you two. And by extension, so are Lincoln and Bellamy."

What is even 'heart-eyes'? You don't know, you don't care, and you need to stand up and to go see Clarke, like, now! So you try to but your head reminds you that it's not going to happen anytime today.

"I'm too sick for that shit", you groan and Raven lets a smile appears on her face.

"Don't worry, she'll come back as soon as she can. I'm gonna cook you something in the meantime, she told me you haven't eat shit since at least twenty-four hours."

"Can you even cook?", you wonder and she hisses at you. "I can make rice." Still better than nothing, you suppose.

You fell back asleep right after eating, letting Raven doing whatever she's doing on her computer. You guess she's studying, because it's Raven and she doesn't do much apart from studying and partying.

The next time you wake up, it's past seven and Raven is gone. Clarke is sitting on the floor, her back on your desk and she's drawing furiously. As you blink so that your eyes can get use to the light of the room, you notice pens and crayons and even charcoal scattered all around her on the floor. You don't say anything, you don't move much so that she won't notice you're awake. You just look at her. It's probably the first time you see her that focused on something. She's biting a pen and her eyebrows are almost joining each other on her forehead. And you're almost sure there's charcoal on her cheek. She's beautiful. Her face is all scrunched up in concentration, yet, she remains beautiful. Oh boy, you got it bad.

After five good minutes of staring at her, you finally decide to sit up. As you open your mouth to say something, you realize how dry your throat is and grab your bottle of water next to your bed. It's when she notices you're awake, and she smiles while she puts her sketchbook on the floor and stands up. She walks towards you, and when you put the bottle back on the floor, she shyly asks you if she can sit next to you, which is stupid because she sat next to you a few hours before without asking for your point of view. You quietly nod and she props herself next to you. An awkward silence fills the room and you sigh after a few minutes.

"Clarke", you say and you notice how much you love saying her name, "I am feverish and I am pretty certain I can't handle more than five minutes of awkward silence at the moment."

Before you register what's happening, Clarke's lips are on your forehead and your heart is trying to escape your body by digging a hole in your chest; it's beating so fast you're sure you're going to have an attack anytime soon. Yet, when she backs away, you instantly miss the contact, and she mention that you're fever could be way worse.

"Did you take any medication?", you shakes your head, you don't like pills and Indra always told you that a good sleep and a lot of water could cure almost anything. "Do you want some?", you shake a no again.

"Raven made me rice, though. It was overcooked because she was focused on telling me how much you were into me while cooking, but at least there's something in my stomach."

"I like Raven. It kind of saddens me to know she has to die so soon", Clarke replies, visibly embarrassed. You chuckle and let your head falls on her shoulder. "But hey", she suddenly starts and that smells bad for you, "didn't you say you may have feelings for your soulmate this morning?" See? Really bad.

"I did", you reply without lifting your head from her shoulder, "and then you ran out of my room to do _je ne sais quoi_ and you left me alone with Raven".

"Was that… French? With perfect accent?"

"I'm fluent", you simply shrug and she grabs your shoulder to force you lift your head up. "You're fluent in French?"

"And in Spanish. I can also write and speak Korean and I can speak Japanese but I can't write it."

"Lexa, what the fuck?"

"My father is French so there's that and Indra speaks a lot in Spanish so I had to catch up as a kid. For the Korean and the Japanese part, I was just really bored in my teenage life. Lincoln learnt Japanese with me."

"I think my crush on you just got worse", she sighs and shakes her head and you can't help the stupid smile on your face. She just confessed her crush on you and you never though this kind of information could make you so happy.

The room falls silent again but it's not as awkward as it was earlier. You'd say it's actually comfortable, just to be next to her, breathing the same air as her. It feels great.

"Why didn't you say my name earlier?", you tense a bit at the question but you were expecting it anyway. "I guess I was… afraid. I am not a people person as you already know and I had no idea what to do with the information of you being my soulmate." She nods in understanding and you surprise yourself by asking her if she's not mad. She chuckles a bit. "I know you, Lexa, you're a chicken when it comes to feelings so, no, I am not mad at you." You relax immediately and she seems to be thinking as she looks in front of her. "Plus, I think it's a great point that I got to know you without knowing. The fact that we have feelings for each other on a romantic level is just a bonus in us being soulmate, but it happened without the pressure of it so, now I just really want to take you out on a date."

"Not that I don't like the idea, but I am going to have a crazy schedule for the next two days at least. With all the sleeping and water-drinking I need to do, I am afraid this will have to wait until next week."

Clarke smiles at you and stands up from your bed, announcing that you should go back to sleep. You grab her wrist out of reflex and she turns her very blue eyes at you, a curious look on her face. "You're staying", you state out of the blue and she smiles. "Of course I am but you need to sleep".

"That's my point", you say quietly and she doesn't seem to get the hint. You move closer to the wall without letting her wrist go and she seems to understand. She smiles, amused but nods her head. You let go of her wrist so that she can take her shoes and her jacket off and not a second later, she's lying next to you on your bed. She scouts closer to you, putting her chest flush against your back and throwing an arm around your waist.

"Is that okay?" she asks. Your reply is you grabbing the hand near your stomach and tangling your fingers with hers while you hum in agreement. "You know, I'd never have guessed you for a little spoon".

"Shut up. I'm sick; I can be little everything I want".

You can feel her smile on your shoulder and then, she kisses your shoulder blade through the material of your shirt and you squeeze her hand in yours as a shiver runs down your spine. You're positive it's not your fever that makes you feel that way.

"Sleep, Lex. I will be here when you wake up." Her kissing your shoulder once again is the feeling you fall asleep with and you couldn't be more content.


	2. Chapter 2

You never thought about kissing her before. Well, not really true. You did think about it, but, like, kissing her shoulder or her cheek at some point of the day. But kissing _kissing_ her? Never really thought about it. Not that you're against it, far from that actually, but Lexa is… Shy, and reserved, and introvert, and while it's something you really love about her (she's quiet but always paying attention to you, whatever you're doing or talking about, and she's hard-working, most of the time focused; you appreciate the fact that she doesn't talk much and study a lot, but listen to you whenever you want to talk) but you don't always know what she thinks. You have no idea what she thinks about kissing.

You don't even know how she labels your relationship.

Sure, she smiles every time you grab her hand; every time you join her in her room, she's a happy ball of fluff – as much as Lexa can be – and she's totally okay with you cuddling her (she's a _fucking_ little spoon even without being sick) when you sleep over (which happens, like, three times a week now). Oh, and you two went on a few dates – well, you call them dates and she didn't disagree so, date, right? Yet, no kisses yet, and the more it goes, the more you want to kiss her. But you don't know about her.

Raven told you not to hurry, that Lexa probably wants to kiss you too but she needs more time than regular people. And Octavia told you some kind of the same thing, but she mentioned that she kissed Lincoln before their first date. And there you are, not knowing what to do about Lexa. You want to kiss her but, what if she's not into kissing? Lexa doesn't really talk much when it comes to your relationship. You don't know what she thinks about it. She enjoys the dates, she told you so, and she likes when you're sleeping over at her dorm. But apart from that? No idea.

You shake your head and try to catch up with the conversation around the table. It's lunch time and you're surrounded by all your friends. It doesn't happen much, for you all to be able to eat together, so you have to enjoy that moment, but you can't seem to shake the thought of kissing Lexa out of your mind.

"You know, Clarke, maybe you should just tell her", says Raven as she leans into you. She's sitting next to you and just whispered her sentence, right into your ear, making sure no one can hear her except you. You don't need the entire table to know about your struggles.

You make a face and think about it. _Oh hey Lex', I actually really want to kiss you since, like, a while now, and I wanted to know if that's okay with you?_ Doesn't sound like a great plan to you. You shake your head.

"I don't know Rae, I'm not sure it's that easy to talk about it, y'know?"

"It is", she sighs, "just talk to her, you're a frustrated mess."

You want to groan at that, disagree with her, but that's actually pretty accurate. Plus, Lexa isn't here at the moment but wasn't she supposed to be? That is kind of weird. She never dumped you before. You think a bit and remember that your phone is not on vibrate mode anymore, so you take it off of your pocket and – yep, that's what you thought. You have five unread messages, four of them from Lexa and one from your mom. Your mom is wishing you good luck with your coming finals (you still have two weeks to go before that but, hey, early luck never hurts, right?) and then, Lexa.

 **[11:45] Little Spoon** : Clarke, I am not going to make it at lunch. Sorry.

 **[11:46] Little Spoon** : I am sure I forgot to tell you I joined the badminton team and I have practice today.

 **[11:52] Little Spoon** : I don't know when it is going to end but it starts at 12:30 in the gymnasium of the Wallace Building. In case you would like to join.

 **[12:07] Little Spoon** : Your phone is probably on silent. Or you're ignoring me, which, if you're doing so, is not cool.

You smile at the texts and you feel Raven reading over your shoulder.

"I am pretty sure I did not allow you to do that", you say and she smiles at you.

"You know, what I think is funny about you and Lexa is that you both register the way the other talk and when you wanna be… Intimidating or something, you talk like her. And when she wants to be, she curses. Hearing her says 'fuck' the other day was kinda priceless."

"Wait, Lexa cursed and I missed that?", joins Octavia. Raven then proceeds on telling how Lexa got pissed at her three days ago, because she came over at height in the morning on a Monday – one of Clarke's day off – and woke them both up by banging on the door of her room. (She actually pissed the entire dorm, and got so many pillows launched at her face that she decides to ignore that part of the story). Lexa woke up first and went to open the door before Clarke realized anything at all, and before she even knew that, her girlfriend – can she even call her that? – let an upset huff escape her mouth and a "fuck you Raven" crossed her lips. Then she closed the door on Raven's face and went back to bed.

You remember the story with a happy smile. When Lexa came back on the mattress, she actually hesitated for a few seconds. You were lying on your side, facing the wall – you moved when Lexa did, taking her spot on the bed as it was warm and smelled like her – and it took her a few seconds before she decided to cuddle your back, as big spoon. You liked it. It was the first time for Lexa to take you in her arm on her own, not waiting for you to come at her. You really, really liked it.

You shake yourself out of your thoughts and take a look at your phone. It's quarter to one, means Lexa started her training fifteen minutes ago. And you kind of want to see it. Your meal is over and everyone around you is going about classes you don't know about and people you never met before – Jasper's crush, for example, Maya is her name but you don't even know what she looks like – so you decide to leave.

"Guys, my really hot girlfriend (you love to say that, you can't really help yourself) is practicing badminton at the moment and I really want to see it before my next class, so", you stand up and grab your bag from the floor.

"I'm coming with you", cheers Octavia, "Lincoln is with her and, well, if your girlfriend is hot, what is my boyfriend?"

You shake your head, amused, and see Raven mouths a _whipped_ at Jasper, who just laughs. You decide to ignore them and throw a general goodbye at the table, leaving with Octavia hot on your heels.

It takes you a solid ten minutes to join the Wallace Building. The campus is wide and the cafeteria is far, far away from the gymnasium. You don't really mind. Octavia doesn't ask you about your kissing struggle as she is focused on telling you about Lincoln. The fact that he's Bellamy's roommate worried her in the first place. She was afraid their relationship might not go well but it just got them closer. Well, for now they seem to be closer. And Bellamy seems to trust him when it comes to his sister, which is something the other guy can be proud of. Not every one can say that. Actually, except for Clarke and Raven, no one can say that. He's such a big brother stereotype it's painful to watch him sometimes (like in high school, Octavia on a bike and Bellamy running after her because it was dangerous). If everything keeps going well between the two, the next step for Lincoln would be to meet your mom (yes, yours, as she is the one who raised the Blake siblings after the death of their mother, when Bellamy was fifteen and Octavia twelve) and praying for it to go well.

You join the gymnasium soon enough after you reach the building and you directly go to the bench. Once you're settled, your bags on the floor and the two of you sitting, you search for Lexa and Lincoln. Well, let's be honest, it doesn't take you long to find them. Not that you're _that_ whipped, it's just that – have you ever seen those two practicing sport? It's – well, you can't really find a word to define that, but it's crazy.

Lincoln and Lexa are on the other side of the gymnasium, near the wall, playing against each other on what you believe is a friendly match, but none of them seems ready to let the shuttlecock touch the floor. And, well, if you weren't into Lexa already, now you sure are. She's so focus, so determined, so into it… Her brows are furrowed on her forehead, almost joining each other and the shuttlecock never leaves her eyes. It's fifteen past one, which means they've been playing for only thirteen minutes and yet, they're both sweaty, more than the other players at least. Well, you have to say that the others aren't that much into it. Lincoln and Lexa, on the other hand, seem to be playing for their life, and that's hot. You and Octavia can't even take your eyes out of them anymore. You don't talk, you're not even sure you're still breathing.

Lincoln is wearing a loose tank top (really loose, he's wearing it only because he has too, you think, it moves with each of his movement, and half his torso is visible every time it takes a fast step on the side) and some basketball shorts. And the fact that Lexa is wearing the same kind of clothes is not really helping you right now. Her tank top is loose (if Lincoln were wearing it, it'd probably fit him perfectly) and she's wearing some black sports bra underneath. Her shorts aren't as long as Lincoln's, covering her until her knees.

You're not into athletic woman but, seriously, how could you say no to that? Droplets of sweat are running down her temples and forehead, and she wipes them away with the sweatband she's wearing on her left wrist. Her long hair are braided, so many braids you can't even count them, and thrown on the back of her head, falling on her shoulders and back.

You're in a dazed just looking at her. Was her arms always so toned and, well, brawny? Her muscles are well-defined, well-drawn, and you really, really can't help the gay right now. You need help. Octavia is not the one who will help you as her face looks exactly like yours while she looks at Lincoln. That's it, you two are definitely hopeless.

The teacher calls the players to gather around him and Lincoln and Lexa leave their field to join the other students. They are both kind of breathless and Lincoln is the first who notices you two on the bench. He pokes Lexa on the shoulder for her to look your way and a bright smile appears on your features when her eyes catch yours. She smile back, that small smile of hers – the left side of her lips twitch a bit and her eyes shine, that's the way she smiles – then break the eye contact to focus back on her teacher.

You don't register what you're doing when you open your backpack and take one of your sketchbook out from it. Before you even know it, you have a crayon in your hand and you're drawing. Lexa, you're drawing Lexa. The racket's grip in her firm hand, her toned and tanned arms, her sweaty forehead and strong jaw, her focused eyes and furrowed brows. Lexa, Lexa, Lexa. It's even worth than what you thought. You're so head over heels for that woman that you can hear Raven laughs at you on the back of your head. So grossly into her…

The teacher gives a number to each field, going from nine to one, and calls the students one by one to assign them to one. They're having a tournament; if you lose, you go down, if you win, you go up, and the point is to join the first field. For some reason, Lexa is assigned to the seventh one and she doesn't seem really happy about it, especially since Lincoln gets to play on the third one.

"I'll see you on the first one!", the tall guy calls after her and she shakes her head, straight-faced and not amused. But you and Lincoln both know better. Her eyes are bright with excitement and she can't wait to play against him – or against anyone who actually knows how to play.

Five games into the tournament and you're already on your third page of sketch. Lexa smashing, Lexa drinking, Lexa breathing. The sixth one is about to start, and Lincoln and her are facing each other on the second field.

"Weren't we suppose to meet on the first field?", she asks and her opponent shakes his head with a smile.

"Let's see which one of us can reach the top, shall we?"

The shuttlecock choses which one gets the chance to do the first service, and Lexa is more than pleased when it falls from the net to point in her general direction. Then the teacher whistles and the game starts. You let you sketch book rests next to you, on the bench, and focus entirely on the game. You don't want to miss a single thing.

It's different, watching Lexa play against random people, and watching her play against Lincoln. She was playing nicely with the others, not pushing too much and not playing too hard when their level wasn't as high as hers. But against Lincoln? Screw kindness and lower level. Lincoln is as good as her, probably, and she doesn't need to hold back anymore. And the temperature in the gymnasium gets suddenly hotter. Or maybe it's just you, you don't really know, but it sure as hell is hot.

"Hey, wanna bet?", asks Octavia next to you. "Hm?"

"If Lincoln wins, you owe me a restaurant and vice-versa?"

"Pizza?", you ask without even looking at her and Octavia nods, "Pizza".

You two high-five and focus back on Lincoln and Lexa. Lincoln is leading the game, five to three and Lexa is not happy about it. He scores again and the brunette pouts while Lincoln laughs.

"Come on Lex, I know you can do better than that."

The guy looks towards you and shoot a smile at you and Octavia before looking at his best friend again.

" _Yeoja chingu yeogi issosseo jal mot hae_ ? ("your girlfriend's here so you can't do well?")" You don't understand what he's saying but Lexa suddenly makes a face, brows furrowed on her forehead and dark eyes. _"Ip dakchieo.* ("shut your mouth")"_

You guess it's Korean, because it doesn't sound like something you know, and you remember Lexa telling you Lincoln learnt with her. You have no idea what Lincoln told her but Lexa just scored two point in a raw, in less than a minute. The game is six to five and there's only two minutes left. This is going to be rough.

When the teacher whistles the end of the game, they need to do a match point as the score is nine to nine. Lexa serves and Lincoln is fast to catch the shuttlecock, throwing it just above the net. Lexa is fast, pushing it back on the other side of the net with just enough strength for it to start going down right after it. It takes a few steps for Lincoln to go on the other side of his field to seize it, and he has to kneel to throw it back. When it reaches her side of the field, close to her, Lexa smashes and scores, the shuttlecock going on the opposite of Lincoln on the field, touching the ground before he can do anything about it.

And then a smug grin appears on Lexa's face, and you're pretty sure you're going to combust at the sight.

You knew she could be smug, but not _that_ smug. She's so proud of herself at the moment – and so are you – that Lincoln has to shake his head, visibly amused, before going to her. Above the net, he reaches for her with his arm and she grabs it, hand in the middle of his forearm as he grabs hers. They stay like this for a few seconds, him telling her he knows she had it in her, before letting go and going to the teacher. Practice is over for today, and he asks every student to remember the number of their field for next week before dismissing them.

Lincoln and Lexa come at you right away, and Octavia and you automatically stand up. Octavia reaches for Lincoln as you reach for Lexa, and the two best friends stop each of you.

"Sweaty", Lexa tells you, "as much as I'd like to, it's not a good idea."

"Same here", says Lincoln, "we need a shower before next class."

So do I, you think, looking at sweaty-tanned-and-toned Lexa. A cold shower. A bathtub filled with ice.

"Speaking about classes, I have one a less than thirteen minutes. I should go."

"Join me at my dorm when your day is over?", you nod and Lexa shots her usual smile at you. Okay, you really, really need a shower before going to her dorm.

There's a party tonight and you didn't know about that. You've been in Lexa's room for maybe thirteen minutes when Octavia suddenly barges him and press you to get dressed. She presses Lexa too and when the brunette glares at her, Octavia looks back at you.

"Can you tell your girlfriend to get dressed, please?"

You kind of shiver at your friend calling her that, and when you look at Lexa, you notice the redness of her cheek.

"Lex", you say, "please? This party is important for Bellamy, Echo is going to be here."

"So is Maya, so it's important for Jasper too. That's basically the only reason why Raven accepted to throw it.", adds Octavia.

"Please", Lexa scoffs, "Some giant purple opossum could attack us and Raven would still be throwing parties. She doesn't even need a reason."

You have to agree on that, but Octavia waves her hand in front of us, as to say _whatever_ , and asks to two of you to get dressed, or else, she will ask Lincoln to bring you two at Raven's in you PJs. And he's so whipped he'll probably do it.

"Traitor", Lexa mumbles as she stands up to go to her wardrobe. Octavia squeals in excitement and leaves you two to it, telling you to be at Raven's around nine. Lexa sighs right after the door closes and you smile.

"Come on, it can't be that bad.", you tell her.

"I'm not a people person. I'd rather spend the night with you watching your stupid TV shows than going to that party. Not that I don't like your friend, but, can't we have some meet together pizza instead of parties?"

You smile because that's actually a great idea and you will have to think about it. Maybe next time, just the all of you, with pizza and some TV shows could be good – well, at least, it'll be good for your liver.

It's quarter past nine when you reach Raven's home. You don't like being late – well, can you be late at a party? – but Lexa told you about some French custom called the _quart d'heure de politesse_ : it's actually polite and best to arrive fifteen to twenty minutes late to a party with friends or family, because with those last minutes, they have time to prepare things they may have forgot about.

Lexa is holding your hand and not letting go when you open the door (you don't knock, you don't need to, it's a party and the music is already really loud), and you two walk together to the kitchen. Everyone is already here and while Raven wants to scold you for being late, Jasper is too loud and too stressful for it to happen.

Maya is not here yet, you learn, but she sent him a text a while ago to tell him she'll be there around nine thirty. And the poor guy is a mess. Monty is soothing his back as he talks about some stuffs to calm him down.

"Maybe he should drink something", says Bellamy and the other side of the kitchen, and the reaction to that statement doesn't take long.

Everyone yells a "no", even you, and it kind of takes Lexa by surprise. You feel her fingers tensing around yours and her free hand grabs your arm. You let your thumb slides on the back of her hand as Octavia replies to her brother.

"Last time he did, he jumped from the roof. I don't even know how he got to the roof in the first place."

"Neither do I", adds Jasper, "I just remember waking up in a hospital room."

"I remember almost having a heart attack", Monty groans as he knocks the back of Jasper's head. "I'm not letting him drink anymore."

Bellamy just shrugs and opens the fridge anyway, taking three beers out. He hands two beers to you and Lexa, and before you can register anything, her hands are out of your touch and she's grabbing the bottles. As much as you like Bellamy – and you actually love him like your own brother – you kind of hate him at the moment. It has only been a second but you already miss the way Lexa's fingers fit into yours, the way her heat spreads through your body even if she's just holding your hand. She opens the bottles and hands you one, and you kiss her on the cheek as a thank you.

"Hey, why didn't I get a kiss?", Bellamy inquiries and you give him a look.

"I'm not sharing", Lexa replies for you and, at the same moment, she comes behind you and holds you against her chest. Her arms surround your middle, one of her hand still holding her beer as the other one comes flat against your belly. It kind of takes your off-guard and you can't really help the blush on your cheek, but the hand that is not holding your bottle settle on hers on your middle, and you smile.

"And maybe you should ask Echo for this kind of things."

"Who should ask Echo for what?", suddenly says a new voice at the kitchen's door.

A tall blond enters the kitchen, followed by a shorter brunette. The blond seems outstanding but the other one doesn't really look like she knows what she is going here. Well, that's it until she sees Jasper and directly goes next to him. Maya, you think, and the blond one is probably Echo (that would explain why Bellamy is as red as Raven's jacket – you need to tell Raven green and red don't get well together).

"All right", Raven claps her hands, "the ladies are here, alcohol for everyone except Jasper!"

It is now quarter past eleven and the party starts looking like a party. More people arrived within the past hours and the music is louder than what it was when you stepped in. You don't really know anyone except for your friends, but you don't really mind. Most of you are propped on the couch and sofa in the living room, talking about everything and nothing at the same moment. Jasper probably scored with Maya at some point because she's resting against his side, her head on his shoulder as she talks with Monty. Raven disappeared with Bellamy and Echo ten minutes ago, you believe they're playing beer pong in the garden. Octavia and Lincoln are sitting on the floor, her between his legs and him braiding her hair. That's not something you expected to see someday but Lexa told you that Indra is the one who taught her how to braid her hair. And as Lincoln was around back then, and that is was hard for her to braid her hair alone, she taught Lincoln as well. And Octavia is really enjoying it.

Talking about Lexa, it seems like she decided to be tactile today; she always makes sure that the two of you are touching. You have to couch for just the two of you, and one of her leg is on your laps, her shoulder against yours as she is sipping on her whisky. She's also drinking more than usual tonight, you don't really know why. Maybe she just wants to get rid of some stress, with the finals coming and all. Plus, alcohol seems to be making it easier for her when it comes to being touchy; you're not going to complain about that. You still need to be careful because she's not used to drink that much, but you can see Lincoln eyeing her from time to time to make sure she drinks slowly and not too much.

Lexa ends her glass and suddenly gets away from you.

"I need to pee", she sighs and tries to stand up (key word: tries). She falls right back on the couch, sitting next to you, with a scrunch up face.

"Need some help maybe?", you ask and she groans. You take that as a yes and stand up, holding your hand out for her to take it. She does and you help her getting on her feet, securing an arm around her waist to make sure she is not going to fall back.

"All right, let's go."

The walk to the bathroom is almost uneventful, you walked into a few drunken students but apart from that, you did reach the bathroom without any problem. Things start to go down when Lexa is in the bathroom. You didn't notice him when you were in the living room but thing is, your ex is here. And he's not only yours but he's also Raven's ex. And he doesn't seem to be drunk but you don't really trust him anymore.

He slurs your name and grabs you by the wrist, tugging you away from the bathroom door. You try to take your wrist away from his grip but he's stronger than you, and no matter how much you call him, he's not listening to you. But he's talking. He says that you two need to talk and it's not possible inside with the music. You don't know who invited him – it's definitely not Raven and you wish for her not to learn he's here; she's going to choke him with the grass if she does.

You're in the garden when Finn finally stops walking but he doesn't let go of your hand. He turns to face you and lets a smile appears on his features.

"What do you want, Finn?"

"Come on Clarke, don't be like that, I just want to talk."

"Yeah, well, asking for my authorization was probably too hard for you, wasn't it? I don't wanna talk."

You try to take your wrist out of his hand once again but his grip tightens around it and you wince in pain.

"You're not going anywhere, we have to talk. I still love you, I'm sure you love me too."

* * *

Clarke is not in front of the bathroom door when you get out and you're kind of worried about that. Or maybe it's the alcohol talking; you probably had too much to drink. Still, there's a weird feeling in your stomach and you don't really know what to do with that, so you decide to go back to the living room, maybe Clarke went back there to wait for you. It's not really a surprise when you see that she's not here. You can't really tell why but you knew she wasn't here. A soulmate thing, maybe?

"Where is Clarke?", Monty asks you.

"I don't know. I'm searching for her, have you seen her?"

Everyone shakes a no and you make a face. Where the fuck did she go?

After a talk with yourself, you start walking towards the garden. Your steps aren't really sure but there's that feeling you can't shake in your stomach. You have to find her. You take the main door to go out and there's a few drunken students gathered here, but none of them is familiar to you. You don't even bother asking them if they've seen her, and go to the other side of the house. You walk next to the beer-pong table and grab Raven. She hasn't see her, neither did Bellamy, but the guy seems concerned by her sudden disappearance. It's not really Clarke's style. You shake your head, tell him to go back to his game against Echo, and resume searching. She's probably not far from here. Dozens of students are outside, smoking, drinking, mostly being loud and you truly wonder why you're here. Your head is kind of buzzing from the previous alcohol, and it's hard for you to focus with all that sound around you. But suddenly something tops all that sound.

A voice. Her voice.

Unhappy.

You're fast to cross the field and find her after that, her voice the only thing you can hear.

"Finn, fuck off, I don't want to get back with you or to have anything to do with you."

"Come on, don't be such a bitch, you know that's not true!"

You don't know that voice but you absolutely despise it. The fact that it just insults Clarke probably help that part.

"Is there any problem here?", you ask and it's the guy who replies to you right away, "we're good, thanks."

"I wasn't talking to you", you walk a bit more so that you are next to Clarke and give her a look, "is everything okay?".

"It is, I'm just trying to get rid of him. Nothing to worry about."

"See?", he snaps, "she's good, leave us."

It's when you see it. The way his hand is holding Clarke's wrist. Her skin is white, porcelain, but her wrist is red from the firm grip is having on her. Your brows furrow.

"All right, you have three seconds to let go of her hand", you tell him and he gives you a pointed look.

"Or what, you're gonna punch me?"

"Punch you?", you laugh a bit, "oh no, punching would be far too easy. If you don't let go, I will end you."

You take a step in his direction and he steps back, not letting go of her yet. "Three", you say and take another step. His brows rise on his forehead and you can tell he's not taking you seriously. "Two", you can feel Clarke tensing a bit more next to you as she knows what you can do. "One", you put your hand around his wrist and he suddenly jerks you off, punching you in the face with his free hand.

"Get away from me! This is none of your concern!"

* * *

You see Lexa taking a few steps back after the hit. It took her by surprise and she needs a few seconds to recover. She licks her lips and feels the blood, and you can see something changing in her eyes. She just sobers up and she's probably going to end him, as she promised.

"This", she says, showing to two of you with her hand, "is actually of my concern as the person you're holding is _my_ _girlfriend_. You just hurt me and you're hurting her. I'm going to _fucking_ kill you."

Raven's right, Lexa swears when she's pissed. And right now she seems really, really pissed. And to think that, in any other situation, you could have been enjoying her calling you her _girlfriend_ for the first time…

She's fast, way faster than him, and before he realizes anything, she punches him in the face and he lets go of your wrist. He steps back a bit and you expect Lexa to go right back at him, but she doesn't. She takes your hand softly and tugs you behind her.

"I'm not letting you near that asshole", she says and Finn lets out an angry _hey!_ as he walks back in your direction. It takes half a second for Lexa to hammer the flat of her shoes in his chest; Finn's feet leave to floor and he falls butt first a meter away from his previous spot.

"Let's go back inside", Lexa tells you before he even touches the floor and you nod, dazed. You're back in the living room in no time, and your senses are more or less back with you. Your hand is tensed on Lexa's, and her thumb slides up and down on your skin, soothing you. Octavia automatically notices your state of mind and stands up from the floor, Lincoln as well, and each of them comes at each of you. Their approaches are different; Octavia asks you if you're okay, but Lincoln grabs Lexa's chin with his index and thumb and looks at her with a really, _really_ serious face. Five seconds later, it's not serious anymore, it's angry, and Finn chooses that exact moment to step into the living room. He calls after you, Lexa rolls her eyes and Lincoln understand.

Before anyone can register anything, Lincoln walks past Lexa and grabs Finn by his collar, slamming him against the nearest wall and holding his free fist in the air, ready to strike.

"Lincoln, stop, I already punched him back", Lexa says with a calm voice and you're impressed by her composure.

Octavia raises an eyebrow at you, "is that…?" You nod a yes. "Lincoln, don't let him go", she says and in the meantime, she leaves the room. She's getting Raven. You tense a bit at the thought and turn to Lexa.

"I dated Finn a few years ago. Thing is, he already had a girlfriend and didn't mention it, to me or to her."

It doesn't hurt anymore, talking about it, but you really did love Finn. He was charming, funny, and even smart. Plus, he was always full of sweet attention toward you. But he was dating, had been dating for two years when he met you, and totally forgot to tell you about that.

"He was dating Raven for two years when he asked me out."

You sigh at the memory of Raven making a surprise visit at Finn's place on a Saturday night, and you opening the door, letting her in and realizing what was happening.

"I broke up right away when I learnt, Raven doing the same a few days later. We didn't talk to each other after that, until one day we ran into each other in town and decided to get some coffee. And now, well, she'll kill for me and I'll be the one burying the body."

"Please make it his, I can't stand that guy's face."

You laugh at that and prop a kiss on Lexa's cheek. And then Raven is in the living room, Bellamy hot on her heels. "What the fuck happened?", he asks and your first reflex in to cover your wrist with your sleeve.

"I don't know who invited him, I'm not even sure he knows it's Raven's house to be honest."

"Raven?!' Finn exclaims at the sight of the woman, "what, you two are friends now?"

"The only positive thing I got from my relationship with you", you shrug and he groans.

"Lincoln, Bell, do you mind taking the trash out?"

"You owe me your fucking life!", Finn suddenly yells at Raven and she walks toward him and Lincoln. She crosses her arms on her chest and gives him a pointed look.

"You're right; you saved me when I was a child. But, care to remind me who left me in the car when we were sixteen, after the accident? Who paid for your rent when you decided to leave your parent's, and thus for more than six months? Who cheated on who?" Finn's eyes go down on the floor as she talks. "Yeah, that's what I thought. If you ever step in my house again, I'll let that big guy here kill you, and we'll all together burry you in the back of my yard while singing Christmas songs. Clear enough?"

The party is over thirty minutes after Bellamy and Lincoln threw Finn out. Raven wasn't in the mood of a loud house anymore, and so she just kept her usual people with her, Maya and Echo as extras. Lincoln is back on the floor with Octavia and Bellamy and Echo aren't so far from them, their back on the sofa. Monty, Maya and Jasper are still on the sofa and Raven is next to you on the couch, while Lexa is sited on the floor, between your legs. There's a lot of conversation going around, but you can't really focus on them. You bow down a bit and let you chin rests on Lexa's head, whispering a "sorry" just for her to hear. Her head falls back so that she can look at you with a puzzled look, as to asking _what are you talking about?_

"For, Finn and all that", you replies. At the same moment, one of your hand cradles her face, your thumb sliding just under her hurt lower lips. She smiles, "no need to apologize, you should met my ex, some crazy psycho", before she takes your hand and kiss your palm.

You shiver at the contact of her lips on your skin, and you can't help yourself, "Lexa". She's still looking at you, certainly seeing you upside down from her position, and she raises an eyebrow at you. "I'm going to kiss you now." Her eyes open wide at the statement and you think that maybe, you've been a little too straight-forward. Lexa is shy, you remind yourself, she doesn't really talk about relationship related stuffs – she doesn't really talk at all. You're totally going to regret saying that, you already are. Still, you risk a look at her and you see it: she's smiling. An honest to god smile, a real one, not smug or small. A big, full smile on her face. "Sure", she says, "I think I'd like that very much."

You don't waste any more second and bow down for good, your lips meeting hers right after she finishes speaking. The angle is awkward, Lexa is upside down, but the kiss is everything you wanted. It's sweet, and chaste, and taste a bit like whisky. There's a voice in the back of your head, shouting _fucking finally_ , and you're worried about the fact that it sounds like Raven's, but right now is not a moment for worry. Lexa's hand snakes on your face and her fingers settle on your neck, nudging some hair over there. Everything you wanted.

Except maybe Raven and Octavia throwing crackers at you.

You pull away before you actually want too, but with your _fucking_ best friends throwing food at you, you don't really have a choice. You shot them a death glares, and Raven gives you an innocent smile, while Octavia hides her face in Lincoln's chest. God you hate them so much at the moment.

Your eyes go back to Lexa when you feel her standing up from the floor. She throws a hand at you, "let's head back, I'm tired."

"You can crash here if you want", Raven offers.

"Not going to take the risk of you throwing food at me."

Raven laughs at Lexa's sentence but holds her hands in front of her in a surrendering position. "Fair enough."

You bid your goodbyes and head back to Lexa's dorm. She doesn't even bother asking you if you want to stay, she just opens her door and walks in, knowing you're on her heels. As soon as the door closes behind you, she turns to you, and locks her gaze with yours. "I'm going to kiss you again."

"Oh thank god", you let out, and she smiles before closing the space between the two of you. Her hand finds your cheek and she brings her face to yours, crashing her lips against yours. The kiss isn't as soft as the first, but you're certainly not going to complain about that. Your hands find the tails of her open leather jacket and you bring her closer, just when her tongue nips at your lower lips, asking for permission. You don't even consider the question, just open your mouth to breathe her in. You can't help the moan the escapes your throat when your tongue meets hers for the first time. She smugly smiles on your lips, and you bite her as revenge, but when she moans in pain, you remember Finn and the party and you suddenly pull away.

"God, Lex, your lips, I'm sorry."

She shakes her head, amused, and props a fast kiss on your lips. "Let's go to sleep, I'm actually tired."

* * *

She kisses you goodnight before she lays on you, her head on the crook of your neck.

She kisses you good morning when you wake up, and you decide that it's better than coffee. So much better that you want to punch yourself in the safe for taking so long. (Especially since she confessed taking badminton classes because she was frustrated. Because of you, because she wanted to kiss you, too, and didn't know how to talk about it).

* * *

When you walk out of her dorm that morning, you don't know if it's the pouring rain that makes the grass so green and bright, or just the fact that Lexa's eyes colors is close to it, but you like it. You love it.

 _Green_ , you think, is the best thing that has ever happened to you.


End file.
